don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize