I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
