Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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