tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
