Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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