My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
