Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
