just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
