we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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