I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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