God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize