He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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