If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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