I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry my hands just texted you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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