I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
