Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
