Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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