is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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