I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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