God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
