Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
