I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
