how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
