Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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