She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
