he puts the penis in happiness.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize