The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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