also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
