thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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