I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize