After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize