Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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