I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
