i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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