I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
