every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize