i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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