i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
