I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
