I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Come see our sink grown plant.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
