I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Damn victory sex feels great
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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