Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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