Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
