i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize