Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize