When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
