So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
