I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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