hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize