My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
