Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
