overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
