mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
