I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
