Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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