I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize