Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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