sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
