Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
