today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
