oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
