Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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