haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
