Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
