could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize