What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You did what with his pubic hair?
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