You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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