You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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