I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
