it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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