I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
