Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
